Begin The Countdown

Today, for some reason, I ended up in a funk for quite a bit of the evening. I don't know why. Today started off beautifully . . . seriously, the sky out toward the barn is amazing. I wouldn't ever get up this early to do something inside, but if I can get up and go be under that sky, than let's go. Topper feels the same way, I think. He probably appreciates a little bit of variation in his work outs . . . I'm out so early, Julie can get out in the late morning, and then late afternoons and nights on the weekends. He was nice to me today, and the sun was behind these bright clouds, so it was just peachy.

Even class was fun. I made an A on my biology test, and all through class I had this flutter in my stomach as I anticipated the reactions of the officials to our sports headline. (It's gorgeous, trust me. A group effort gone wonderfully, wonderfully right.) A bit of an anti-climix; no one was mad. What do I have to do around this joint to get some feathers ruffled?

I'm not sure what I got accomplished at work today besides suddenly having a near anxiety attack around dinner time. I had to leave and get the heck out of there. I don't know where it came from, just out of the blue like that, but it did, and when I was eating dinner I found myself almost crying into my salad more than a few times.

When I was done eating I felt better and could get to work and get everything moving, but I was still feeling weird. Beats me. Probably a lack of sleep and all the stress so far from the semester building up. That and the fact I had someone being nice and friendly to me. Isn't it weird that someone doing something nice can make you nearly fall apart? What's up with that?

I guess today was just a big mess of complete contentment and vulnerability and longing for something (to be outside for more than two or three hours a day is part of what I want). I want to be able to read books again, check my phone messages, return calls, watch movies, cuddle on Topper, take long naps, go climb, go row, be in the sun for a while, care a damn about my schoolwork, work on art projects, write my book, do nothing, think nothing, sit, breathe, look at the sky.

Fall break is quickly approaching. Thank goodness. I really and honestly do love my job, more than probably any other I've had (unless you count training Hammie . . . yeah, I miss the little twit, he was a fun ride until you got thrown . . . ). But even chocolaholics need a break from Hershey's. (How's that for some creative writing?)

There was a cool chill damp on the air tonight when I walked home. Fall comes even to Texas. Things will keep going, and I will still be there and be effective. But I can tell I'll be even better after I get out of here for a few days.