Wanted: Big, Powerful and Noisy

Every Thursday night I trail in and turn to the Discovery Channel to watch American Chopper. I'm addicted to the show, really. Some day I'd like to learn enough to be able to build a real, working machine that runs on something more than double-A's and that looks so good too. Those bikes are works of art with wheels and huge engines. There's a Harley place near here and you can rent bikes; if I could learn how to ride one and then rent one and spend a week or so tooling around on back roads through pink deserts and gold forests and sitting under brides in the rain, reading a book the way I saw a biker passing time during a New Mexico thunderstorm. A great trip with someone would involve motorcycling around Great Britain--seeing all of it, Scotland, Wales, back to Suffolk again because it's still home to a part of me, the Isle of Skye, every bit.

That's really all this entry is about: thoughts of trips. I was feeling restless today. It felt dangerous outside this morning, right before the sun came up, when I was heading out to the barn. I love it when it does that, it makes something inside me start hurting and needing to get out. Personally, I think it's genetic and I blame Dad, because he's so much like me--you just get these whims and need to go. He almost bought a kayak once on a rambling whim. He's never been in one before. But sometimes, when you need to go, you need to go.

And this bird you cannot chain . . .

The Sky Was Gold, It Was Rose

It's a Monday night and I'm at work (where else?) and I feel like I've been in here all day. If I hadn't been able to spend yesterday doing essentially nothing, I think I'd be going nuts right now. It's rained off and on and it's humid and kind of nasty outside now, but yesterday was beautiful. I always say that I'd like to paint or photograph the sky, but I just don't know how, so I'm going to attempt to describe it for all of you who haven't seen the sky like this in Texas.

My sister and I were out at the barn late yesterday afternoon during a thunderstorm. I like the barn during storms--Topper gains comfort from having people around, and the rhythmic sounds of him going after his hay is a bit hypnotizing. The kitten is more than willing to be picked up and cuddled and the rain is just the right amount of noise on the corrugated roof.

After a bit the rain stopped and the sun split open the sky off to the west. I clipped Topper onto his line and drug him outside, where everything was wet and golden. While he was eating grass I stood and just stared out toward the sun. The clouds were great--layers and layers of them, heaped on top of each other, striated and streaked and smeared across the sky. The clouds split off to the north and to the south, leaving a V-shaped corridor across the land from the sun, over me and Topper, and out to the cows across the road in the light.

When I was done burning my eyeballs out, I turned to look east, where the sky was dark as the storms kept moving through. After a few minutes two big rainbows showed up from the south, arching north and disappearing. The one on the left was bright as a science project demonstration, and the one on the right was weaker. A piece of one could be seen coming back down, off to the north, but that bit didn't last long as the rest. Julie said that the state of Texas didn't recognize the color "violet" as a real color. I thought that was pretty funny. They call it purple or something else just to be obstinate. Crazy Texans.

It really was pretty. Everything turns green and gold when it's wet and the sun sets. It seemed a fitting way for the day to end. I like to think I can catalogue away scenes like that, but I know I won't and they'll all fade into a general haze of rose, soft yellow, and dusky purples. But that's ok. As long as I can always go out and see another, things will be just fine.

To Keep Drew and Dan Happy

I am making this entry because Drew and Dan told me to. The three of us plus Tyler were on our way to see Team America: World Police and Drew said he'd read this thing and wasn't mentioned nearly enough. Given the amount of entertainment he provides me, yeah, he probably doesn't, and given the amount of grief Dan gives me, yeah, he's not mentioned at all, I don't think. So there you go. The guys are great.

And speaking of great guys, I'm getting a little concerned about Topper. The weather is still warm but he has a winter coat and he's just not holding any weight, which makes me worry. If I can see his ribs through his coat, there's a problem. But I can't give him any more food . . . I'm going to have to play with what he's being fed, instead. Friday morning when I was done riding I left him in his stall to finish his hay before I turned him out and went to go pet on the kitten for a while, since she's grown into such a nice little cat. When he was done he neighed loudly enough for me to hear him in the other barn, so I went back to get him. I love the way he gets lonely without me. It's nice to know all I have to do is be there and he's happier.

Same with Noel. I swear to goodness he's grown even bigger. I had no idea a beta could grow to be such a monster of a fish.

And one last time on the topic of guys, I wish Adam could see our football games here. We were cruising around trying to find a parking space and almost running over so many people in purple . . . and those damn people in red from Houston (go HOME, we don't want you here!). But it's just so different here. All the sorority girls are prancing around in their heels and jean miniskirts and cut up purple T-shirts . . . it's goofy. It really is. It can't even compare to anything else because it's so different and I still love it. I love the little kids in their tiny jerseys and the frat boys in their nasty old hats and the old women in their purple Keds. I gotta get the guy down to Texas. It's like a whole other country. And Texas is sexy, besides. I complain about it and gripe and whine but deep down I do love it.

Homecoming today, and I'm walking out the door to the game. Love it!

Warm and Fuzzy?

Texas weather is driving me nuts. I went out to ride Topper this afternoon, and the poor guy already has half his winter coat. I was sweating by the time I was done tacking him, and by the end of our 45 minute ride his hair was curly with sweat. This is absurd. I am getting the heck outta the South as soon as I graduate.

Not to say I won't ever end up back here . . . I have to admit, I always end up back in places I used to be. Alabama, England, New Mexico, Texas . . . it all comes back around, it seems. But I need to add some more new places so I have more places to go back to.

When I was done with my ride, sticky and gross and covered in dust and tromping back to the barn with my sleeves rolled up and Topper ambling behind me, I wished I was where I was two weeks ago on a Thursday night when things were much cooler and felt a lot better.

Tonight I saw Maureen off on her date with Sean. It just really put me in such a good mood, because I would do anything for her, and taking off work to go hang with her is something I would gladly do for her. She still hasn't told me how everything went, but tomorrow night I have a date with her and we're going to see the family exhibition by the ballet department and then going to watch Love, Actually. I know it's a sorta Christmasy movie and everything, but I'm in the holiday spirit. Look at what we have coming up--Halloween, Election, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's . . .

I'm damn excited. The future holds fun stuff. It always does . . . now if only I can contain myself long enough for it to get here. But we all know how easily amused I am, so every day is great and I welcome the chance to enjoy myself.

"Can you hear what I can hear? It's the sound of a brand new day."

An Ode to Old CDs

Things are going okay this week . . . I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack Monday morning over my public affairs story and my opinion column and my three reports due for Race, Gender and the Media, but I made it out just fine. I don't know why the stress got to me all of the sudden, but I'm sure it was a long time coming. I know this semester is stressing me out in so many ways even if I can't recognize it right off.

Tonight I'm home early and have lots of stuff to do for class but I've just wasted an hour and I'm sure I'll waste more time before I do anything. It's great being in college.

Being home early got me sifting through my CD book looking for something to put on when I ran across my New Radicals album. They had one chart song, "You Get What You Give," when I was in tenth grade. This was one of the first CDs I bought and loved. I listened to it all the time and sang the songs to Topper. (I do more singing at the barn to him than anywhere else.) I'd forgotten how genuinely fun the CD was--drugs, porn, love, technology, hippies and one of the best similies I've ever heard: "I'm crying like a church on Monday." (Hot damn. That's good writing.)

My favorite song always was, still is, and always will be "Mother we just can't get enough," the opening track. It reminds me the Stones, vaguely, from their "Sympathy for the Devil" days. It has lyrics that make me sing as loudly as I can.

That's really all this post is about. Listen to this CD if you have it; if you don't, go buy it at a second-hand place or download it. It's the only album the guy ever did, but it's quality.

This week is going to be just fine, I can tell.

The lyrics, a bit edited for my personal liking, because the song rocks out:

"There's something about you, tears me inside out whenever you're around. There's something about you, speeding through my veins until we hit the ground. And there's something about this rush--take it away. It made me feel so good. I get a feeling . . . you get a feeling . . . we got a feeling . . . like we could die.

"Mother, we just can't get enough, we just can't get enough. Lover, we just gotta get it up, we just gotta get it up.

"There's something about you, tears me inside out whenever you're around. And there's something about you that makes me fly--you're a heart attack, just the kind I like. And there's something about your kiss, haunting and strange, that makes me feel so good. I get a feeling . . . you get a feeling . . . we get a feeling . . . like we're alive."

Debating What To Do

Watching the debates gives me headaches. I will be so, so glad when this whole election thing is over. Doesn't it seem as though it's been going on forever? On top of that, I just don't feel like I can concentrate these days. I've got so much to do . . . for example, before the end of the semester, I've got:

-An honors departmental project to do to see if I can graduate with honors
-The GRE to take
-T-shirts for the Skiff to get done (102 years old and still putting out four times a week)
-Applications for grad school
-Applications for Hearst prizes, along with various others (always worth a try)
-Get Topper up to speed on jumping
-Save money for travel--I need to get to MIT over Christmas break on top of other travel plans
-Finish writing the next great American novel
-Send it in to the literary agent
-Take apart those 3 computers waiting in my room for art projects
-Get rid of the film in my camera so I can do my next b&w essay
-Another application for EIC for the spring for the paper (I'm crazy, I realize, but I love it)
-Do my class work, and do it well

So that's just a bit of stuff to take care of before winter break. It's almost a bit overwhelming. It's also not worrying me, because I just can't work up the effort to worry. I like just laying back and watching things happen and jumping in for mad flurries of activity and then backing off and laughing at everything. Things really are beautiful.

Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breathe
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

Maybe You're Going To Be The One Who Saves Me

One thing is certain: Adam saved me this weekend. Things with school and the paper were just snowballing for a while there, and when Thursday came I was so ready for fall break. I flew out to Columbus Thursday afternoon when I was done with bio, and so was at OSU that night. One word: HUGE. Good grief. Our entire campus could fit in one of the parking lots for the stadium (the Horse Shoe, I think they called it).

But it was great. Adam (yep, I'm pretty certain I'm the only person who calls him by his first name) took me to the newsroom first, where he put the paper to bed and then we went back to his house, which he shares with three other guys and random neighbors that stop in. As any good journalists would do, we headed to the bar.

Pretty much the entire week was like that--newspaper stuff in one way or another (I loved it because it wasn't my paper), sports (yeah hockey!), parties, neighbors and friends and sleeping late. The whole thing just bowled me over. I hope no one thought I was rude, but I just had to sit back and watch everything--it was so fun. Everyone at the school seemed so excited to be there (even if it was just for the football team and parties). I've never been at a state school for more than a few hours, and it's a completely different experience. I loved it.

I'm going to have to reconsider grad schools in the Midwest. It's not just the corn fields and bored college students I thought it would be.

I was actually really sad to leave Sunday morning for Indiana. It felt like I'd been there for more than just a few days, and it was exciting, relaxing, and entertaining all in one go. I step back a lot and look at where I am and what I'm doing, and the whole thing just made me laugh in so many ways. Starting with my paycheck Friday, I'm going to save up to go back. I want to do everything all over again, plus considerably more, cos I have big plans, hehe. =c)

And Bloomington was more fun than I thought it would be. The other students there were all serious writers, and their work was awesome, and on top of that they were all ready to take advantage of the little college town there at IU.

Getting back today was comforting and sad all at once. I immediately crashed for a nap, and thank goodness Tyler woke me up otherwise I would have slept for the rest of the week. I rode Topper, went to the gym (I like sweating, it feels so clean), then went to work for a short time. Everyone did a great job keeping things in line. Let me say it again: the editors are awesome here.

So in the end, I owe my sanity to Adam. You know life is just fine when someone is willing to humor you so much and at the end will still wait with you at a Greyhound station way too early on a Sunday morning with a guitar.

Tomorrow the week will go into warp speed again. I should really get started on everything. But it's so, so nice to take a break for a bit.

I Remember A&P, And This is Funny Stuff

Today was a pretty typical Monday . . . frantically finishing class assignments just before walking into the classroom, taking some time out in the afternoon, going to my Race, Gender and the Media class with Dan and heckling other students, working at the paper, eating cereal . . . all the norm. Today I also (finally!) had a doctor's appointment regarding the fall from two Tuesdays ago.

I was Dr. Inman's last patient, and I think she was relieved. I know I would be; I remember that last patient coming in when I was at Dr. Blair's, and I'd be trying to take their history and they keep blathering about something inconsequential and wouldn't be quiet long enough for me to get their blood pressure . . . aah, those were the good old days. But Dr. Inman knows me and knows horses (she went into medicine after a particularly nasty fall from a horse).

What I thought was funny was her assessment, though. I didn't really think things were that bad--the usual aches and pains since January, like when I don't catch a dino at the rock wall or something like that, but nothing major. Dr. Inman thought otherwise, according to the look on her face and her explanations.

In case you're wondering, here what we have after this fall:
The right ileum was pushed and rotated forward about an inch and a half and the sacral spine was consequently rotated to the right, meaning I've been walking very crooked and not noticing it.
The same four vertebrae that became misaligned and rotated in January are now misaligned and rotated again, which just means back pains and aches.
A cervical vertebra became misaligned and that's what has been causing headaches and dizziness since then.

So that's fun. And having her snap everything back into place is even more fun. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow.

But I'm not that worried. Pain doesn't hurt, especially if you have enough acetaminophen. Besides, while she was doing it we had a very nice chat about jumpers and the overprescription of antibiotics.

Only Tuesday and Wednesday and then Thursday I'm outta here!

Evidently I Don't Know What Day It Is

Because I thought today was the Friday for the AP interviews, but turns out it isn't until next Friday, and I'll be out of town (in OHIO!) anyway so it doesn't matter. I got up early to buy the leather portfolio at Barnes and Noble, came back, got thoroughly primed for an interview with heels, earrings, make up, the whole shebang, and went up to the newsroom. I checked which room the interviews were in (reading room) and the date jumped out at me and I slunk back to my dorm as inconspiculously as I could in a pink suede suit.

Julie and I got out to the barn pretty early and tacked and as soon as we were getting on a thunderstorm from the west rolled and sat right over the region. Topper was a little jittery because of the rain and lightening and thunder, but we were determined to stay out as long as possible. There's something delicious about being outside just before a storm gets bad. Forget rain--it's the cascading sound of the sky when it cracks with energy. It's nice to feel completely and utterly helpless in the face of it. Finally the lightening got too close and we retreated into the barn. The guys finished their grain and Julie and I sat harassing the kitten for a while--she's just too much fun to watch to leave alone.

I went with Corrine to see Napoleon Dynamite, and I have to see I have seen few movies as quirky and funny and yet tasteful as this one. I thought it was hilarious. At the same time it was vaguely sad because everybody remembers that kid from high school . . . heck, that same kid is here at college. But it did have a happy semi-romantic ending, so there is hope for everyone.

By the way, Patrick Dempsey is so, so hot. He's like Sean Penn, only better. Mmm.

Seriously. This is crazy.

It's just past one in the morning and I'm trying to figure out if I'll ever be able to sleep again. Well, sleep and still get everything done. I skipped out on riding this morning and slept instead because I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat (don't remember the dream, so I don't know what it was). Tomorrow I'm going to get up early and go buy the leather portfolio to match my shoes, business card holder, and purse. Is that wrong and vain? I like to think it's professional. I need professional right now. Tomorrow after staff meeting I've got another (count it: third) interview with an AP person. And then Wednesday I've got a chance to interview Ragin' Cajun James Carville--how bad-ass is that? I need to look like a grown-up, I suppose. Black leather with white stitching is the best way for me to express that.

I swear to goodness, if I weren't going to Ohio and Indiana (whoot whoot Midwest!), I'd sleep for all three of those days that constitute fall break. I'll be able to sleep on the plane . . . I'm so excited! Not just about the whole sleeping thing either. =cD

On another exciting note, Dad got promoted this week. I got flowers--first time ever at school, may I add--and it put me in a good mood all day. Paper was pretty damn good all week, Topper is ready for jumping, Noel still loves me even though he's dejected, and I am going to sleep. Until I wake up early to go buy leather products.

As per usual . . . life is beautiful.