Fake Journalists

OK, so this is something that has been a pet peeve of mine since I was forced into slave labor at the student newspaper at TCU and was spending more hours in the newsroom than I was doing any other activity, except sleeping. (We all know how much I value my time spent unconscious.)

I cannot stand fake journalists. Fake journalists are the people who write columns for the student newspaper, get paid $5.50 or whatever the going rate happens to be per article and tell their friends they are journalists--when they are really just cocky political science majors with big egos who feel the need to do some public griping about some issue.

Fake journalists are the people who work as financial consultants and sometimes write articles for some specialty publication (which they hope will be read by the general public but never will be) about how to get through tax season.

Fake journalists are the people who get a journalism degree and then freelance two articles a year while sitting at home on their couch because they made the wise choice not to date or marry someone also in journalism, thus ensuring that you will both have to work your asses off forever to buy a house.

Fake journalists are the people who write for most blogs.

Fake journalists are scientists (or researchers in any field) who write essays for JAMA or NEJM or any other journal.

Fake journalists are people who do the majority of their work for free, because honestly: If you're a journalist, chances are you need all the cash you can get. Why on earth would you do something for free?

So yeah, if you're talking to me about your journalism career and at least 50 percent of your income DOESN'T come from a fairly mainstream media source**, then you are not a journalist. Seriously. Don't be ridiculous.

I don't tell people I'm an animal psychic because I spent a lot of time out at the barn with Topper trying to read his brainwaves and figure out when he's going to try to kill me. I don't tell people I'm a teacher because I happened to TA kids while I was in grad school. (About 70 percent of my income was coming from doing newspaper scut work, therefore I was a journalist at the time.)

Just because you're a lawyer who writes for the local bar association publication or you're a doc who submits stuff to the medical association magazine or because you cover stuff for some online blog . . . doesn't mean you're a journalist. Doesn't happen. There may be lawyers who turn into legit journalists, and lots of people who are journalists by training and experience who go to other professions, but it's hard to be a journalist and something else at the same time, in terms of careers.

Whew. I feel better. Like I said, this is something that's been a hot point for me for a while (in case you couldn't tell). But despite the fact we can almost all write something doesn't mean we are all journalists. Just sayin'. So if you see a fake journalist . . . call them out on it. Because goodness knows I usually don't. I just smile and nod and then scream about it to the Interwebs, because, you know, don't want to accidentally offend someone and squash a potential source or anything.

I'm unbiased here, people. I'm a journalist.

**Most magazines have some kind of specific niche they fill, so most magazine writers = journalists (if they meet the 50 percent rule). However, magazines do not equal journals, and the majority of material in journals comes from researchers, so if you are usually published in a journal, you may not actually be a journalist.