Dammit, Listen To Me Good, I'm Sleeping By Myself Tonight

At this time tomorrow I will be at home, in my own bed, very probably curled up with one of the cats and a book. There's nothing as comforting as being in bed but not alone. I was thinking about it this weekend because I sleep with my reading light on when my roommate isn't here. When she's there I feel better, even if she's snoring gently and making weird noises (the same she makes at her television when she's awake).

When I'm at home I don't feel the need to leave the light on. I know my parents are down the hall, one of the cats is usually with me, and home is just always safe for me. Sleeping with anyone I trust nearby is safe for me, one of the most secure and cared-for and comforted states I can be in. I never feel quite safe at school . . . which is probably just as well. Last semester I rolled over to find a strange man who had gotten into the room standing over my bed. Despite the fact he bolted faster than I could even comprehend what was happening, I'm still shaken by it on that primitive level where my heart jumps out of my chest when I'm almost asleep and the phone rings.

I think my imagination has gotten worse since coming to college, too, which doesn't help. Aren't people supposed to lose that as they grow up? You learn more about the world, it becomes less mysterious and wonderous, there's less left to the imagination. It seems like most people work like that, anyhow. But it seems like the more I know, the more I realize that the world is much more profoundly bizarre than I could ever have thought. And the more I know, the more I realize I don't know anything.

And that leaves me at night in my dorm room with my eyes shut but my lungs tense.

But isn't it great how just having someone else in the room or an animal with you makes you feel better? Just right away, that's all you need. You always sleep better with company (unless it's Gin, he likes to wake up and walk across you and then sit down and purr as loudly as possible once he knows you're awake). It's just proof that people aren't supposed to be alone. We're still pack animals that desperately need each other.

So I'm looking forward to going home. I sleep like a brick almost all the time, no matter where I am, but being at home will make falling asleep considerably easier.