So Close

Topper nearly ditched me on Tuesday. He had been off for a few weeks, needing get new shoes, and our farrier retired without telling us so there was a scheduling delay getting a new guy. A few weeks ago I started riding Topper again, though, and he'd been really great, and then Tuesday he exploded out of nowhere and now I'm all sore and whiney.

The thing about Topper is he's just so damn unpredictable. I'm no stranger to getting thrown and falling off (two different things--one is his fault, the other is mine) and getting knocked around by him. But I can just never predict when he's going to spook. I see things I think will set him off--like a backhoe making a ton of noise and crashing around in the back frield--and he never blinks. Then he'll spook at something I don't even see, I don't even notice, and the whole ride is ruined because his nerves are all jangly. I guess that's what you get with a prey animal.

I've never seen another horse be as unpredictable as Topper. They're all unpredictable to some extend, but most horses get calmer with age. I got Topper when I turned 13, and now I'm 25 and he's 17, which is definitely middle age for a horse, and he still hasn't chilled out.

I'm really glad I didn't come off on Tuesday, though. We were cantering in the arena and he was fine, fine, fine, fine, then abruptly he was rearing up and bashed his neck into my body, shoulder and jaw. I'm always amazed at how quickly he moves; it's startling, and I think it's just reflex that kept me on. My back feels all kinky and my shoulder took the worst of it. I've been whacked in the head by him before, rearing up and hitting my face and helmet, and then ended up with a concussion---so at least he hit my body and not my head this time.

Last time I fell off was late last year, end of October, I think. I could barely function for days, and had to get x-rays to make sure he hadn't broken my pelvis. If there's one thing about my childhood I wish I could get back, it would be the springiness of my skeleton. When I was 10, I could fall off, get back on, finish my ride and not feel anything the next day. Now, I'm lucky to not seriously hurt myself in some way when I fall.

I'm 25 and I feel like an old fart. I hate to think how effed up I'm going to be when I'm 60.