Plan B

For those unfamiliar with the story of my college application process, let's travel back in time to my junior year of high school, when I was living in New Mexico and attending a tiny high school where the calculus teacher didn't like me.

Do you remember how much mail you started to get once you took the SATs and the ACTs? You go to the tests and fill out all your contact information and put in little codes for which colleges you're interested in, and then suddenly the mailbox is flooded with letters and brochures from colleges and universities all over the country. I had an accordian file that I would slip brochures into, where I could go back and look at them on quiet Sunday afternoons.

I got a brochure from Texas Christian University my junior year, and I remember it came in a lilac-colored envelope with tony purple horned frogs all over it. The list of majors impressed me, and I filed it away.

My senior year (the story of my senior year that I thought I didn't have to take should be saved for another day, because there's nothing like an uplifting story of the mishmash of public education standards across states) was spent in Alabama, in another small town. I was in the process of choosing which college to apply to, and I sent everything out and then waited anxiously that spring to hear back.

TCU (they are branding themselves as that because most Christian schools in Texas are crazy Christian schools, where you have to go to chapel and pretend to be Christian or something like that, and TCU just requires you take some kind of religion class, even if it's Witching 101) (I have a lot of parenthetical asides in this post, don't I?) accepted me, and I accepted them. They sent me a white polo shirt with a horned frog embroidered on the breast and a bumper sticker, and I was totally sold.

TCU was the ideal school because of one major thing: I could major in neuroscience, or I could major in journalism. None of the other schools had both of these offered to undergraduates, and while TCU wasn't my first choice, I did realize that this was a good thing.

I enrolled as a neuroscience major, fully intending to become a physician. A neurosurgeon, to be exact. I was going to cut into people's brains, clamp off aneurysms, and do daring treatments to treat spinal cord injuries. Oh yeah, and I was going to write books about all of this.

Halfway into my first semester at TCU, I realized the decision I had made, and wasn't sure I could stick by it. Chemistry was a struggle (chem has never been easy for me, but if I had a teacher that gave a shit I'm fairly certain I could do well, even if I never perform spectacularly), and I was seeing other pre-med track student run away as quickly as they could to become communications majors or something like that. On a half-impulse, I dropped chemistry and switched my major to journalism.

About two weeks after that, one of my biology professors told me about a science writing program at MIT. That was my answer, I thought--even if I'm not a physician, I'll write about science and health, and all will be right in the world. I coasted through my journalism degree with the purpose to write solely about topics that interested me, and went on to graduate school at Boston University, where I dropped tens of thousands of dollars on an awesome master's in science journalism.

After being out in the newspaper world for a year and a half, I'm finding myself in a slightly uncomfortable position. Anyone who's read this blog over that time knows I have questions about newspapers. Specifically, my part in them. I'm passionate about the need for good coverage, and I love my job right now as a health and science reporter, but I don't know if this is where I'm meant to be. Part of me is bored. Part of me is having a quarter-life crisis. Part of me wants to know I made the right decision.

All of me has been researching going back and getting all those extra classes to apply to medical school. Dan and I have discussed how hard it will be for two journalists to find two good jobs in the same area, and the possibility of me essentially dropping off the face of the planet for four years of medical school and many years of a residency. I bought an MCAT prep book last time I was at the half price book store.

I guess I just want to make sure that my plan B of journalism is the right plan. I'd hate to look back when I'm 60 and think, I should have just gone for it. Nothing is going to happen immediately, naturally, and if I do get into medical school in a few years, I'm definitely not flaking out, but don't be surprised to hear about me taking science classes at one of the local colleges to boost my postbac resume.

And if plan B is the right plan, at least I'll be a better writer for the extended science background, right?

(Expect more ruminations on this as I work myself into a second-guessing mess.)