Ethics And Apple Screwed Me

Today I traded an Apple iPad for a flu shot because it was the ethical thing to do and because journalism is clearly out to show me just how much the industry hates me.

I went with a coworker, one of our ad reps who has the same first name, to the opening of this clinic run by a big local hospital system this morning. She's friends with the guy who does all the sales and marketing for the clinic, and I'm the health care reporter, so it made sense for us to go. We went, took a tour, got some free coffee (and a nice travel mug) and a danish and put our names in a drawing at the urging of the guy who works there. Why not, right? It'll probably just ensure I get put on their mailing list, but I'm the health care reporter, so it's cool, I want their mail.

I got back to the office and added a story about the opening to my budget, since it's going to be a noteworthy thing for our kind of readers. Midmorning, the ad rep comes in bouncing off the walls that she won the iPad and the guy had called her to tell her, and she was so psyched and I gave her a hi-five and thought, Dude, iPads are sweet. I've been lusting after one since they came out (after I got done making all the feminine hygiene jokes, because they write themselves, right?), and I secretly hope I get one for Christmas from my family but I can't justify buying one because I'd got a wedding party to finance (alcoholic journalist friends are expensive to buy booze for) but maybe we'll put it on our registry. Whatevs.

The ad rep swings by to go pick up her iPad, and then I get a phone call in the early afternoon when I'm driving back to work after a late lunch. It's a person who works at the office who says, Congrats! You won an iPad! And I laugh and can hear the ad rep laughing in the background and think it's all a giant joke.

Because journalists do not win things, people. Never happens. Except that one time Dan won a 10-pound Crunch candy bar as a door prize, but it was at a college journalism reunion thing, not a work thing, and it doesn't count because I'm still bitter that he didn't let me have any of it for a YEAR. He just displayed it like a prize on his bookshelf.

Anyway, so I think it's a joke and laugh and they say, No, really! And I say, Yeah, sure, give it to our ad rep and she can bring it back.

Turns out the guy who does all the sales and marketing just read the first name on the slip that was drawn, assumed it was the ad rep, called her ans said, You won! when in reality is was my name on the slip and I won. The ad rep was all dejected and came back with an iPad, and I then I was stuck: I couldn't accept an iPad. A health care reporter who regularly reports on this parent company and who is writing a story about this opening cannot accept a $400 piece of glorious touch-screen wonder life-changing awesomeness.

Phil, since you were my ethics professor and mentor, I know you would be proud of me. And damn, I wish you were around so I could tell you this story because it is so good.

So I have to call them back and be like, Well, I thought you guys were joking, and now that there's an iPad sitting here in the office, I can't accept it. You guys will have to redraw. We have a general editorial policy of accepting nothing worth more than $10--it lets someone buy you a fancy-ass cup of coffee, maybe, or get some general trinket/token they give out to everyone (like the awesome mug).

The guy who worked there was very nice about it all, and came back to pick up the iPad so I didn't have to drive it over (which would have made it so tempting for me to steal it away and then to claim, I was hijacked! Someone stole it!). Then he said he felt horrible and had to offer me something. Could I, would I, accept a flu shot?

I said yes.